Having a baby is meant to be a joyous occasion, a reason to celebrate as a new life comes into the world. A lot of men today benefit from Paternity Leave, usually a two week period which allows them to take paid leave from work to spend with the new family. But once the euphoria has settled and the man has returned to work, Post Natal Depression (PND) can set in.
Male PND Signs
After a long, stressful day in work, most men would much rather settle down, watch a bit of TV before having an early night. But when there is a baby involved, that scenario becomes almost impossible. There are nappies to change, bottles to make and night-time feeds to consider. It may sometimes feel like a man has a second job, going from one working environment to another. Tiredness sets in, which can easily be written off as an effect of sleepless nights. But if this is accompanied by a change in eating pattern, insomnia or unexplainable irritation, PND could be setting in. These symptoms can often be followed by a feeling that they are not the ‘super dad’ they thought they would be, leading to despondency and a lack of self worth. Some might even go to the extreme and would rather stay at work than go home in an attempt to avoid what is waiting for them.
Difference Between Male and Female PND
Although the symptoms are identical, male and female PND do differ slightly. In a female, PND is hormonal and psychological, while the male version surrounds the emotions. For men, it is more about the change of identity. It is often difficult to change from their carefree attitudes into the responsible parent that is expected of them. Although they have nine months to prepare, men may still not feel that the situation is real until they are actually holding the baby in their arms for the first time. Sometimes, a difficult or traumatic birth may bring on feelings of guilt, feeling responsible for the pain their partner is going through and not being able to do anything about it.
Men Need to Open Up More
Men by nature do not talk about their feelings. Give them a sports topic and many men can talk for hours about it but once they are asked to speak emotionally, it can be difficult, sometimes impossible. Today’s society still dictates that men hide their emotions and must provide solutions to, rather than add to stressful situations. This can lead to enormous pressure on an already stressed male and the sad fact is most men wouldn’t know where to look if they did seek help. Quite often, men bottle things up in the hope that they will go away in time.
What can be Done
If it is difficult to talk to a partner or close friend, a GP is normally the best answer. He or a health visitor should know of local support groups, who talk about their feelings openly and draw on each others' experiences with PND. These groups can also exchange practical ideas and offer information on coping with PND. It can sometimes be a relief for a man just to discover that he is not alone in the situation.
